I always have
by Kinky-bootz88
Summary: A Chuck/Blair one shot. Kinda fluffy


A/N Blair Chuck one shot. Please r/r

It was two am, and raining outside when he appeared in my room. He woke me with a gentle kiss on the cheek. I didn't really want to know how he had gotten in, because I knew it was probably illegal but a part of me was glad he was here. I didn't know what he wanted and frankly I didn't even care. We stared at each other for a long minute. I hesitated before moving over and flipping back the covers to let him in. He climbed into the bed and turned to his side. I mirrored his body, looking into his eyes.

Neither of us said anything, the moment would have been ruined if we had. He slid his hand up to touch my waist. I closed my eyes, as the shots of electricity flowed up and down my body. I couldn't help it, a small smile danced across my face. I wanted to open my eyes, but I feared if I did, he would be gone. I wanted to savour this moment for as long as possible. Commit the feelings to memory. My eyes were forced to open as he whispered my name. His perfect face was dream-like in the moonlight. I bit my lip as I met his eyes.

"I'm sorry" he whispered "I know it's late but I had to see you. I took the spare key from Nate's ages ago"

"Did my Mom or Dorota hear you?"

"No" he murmed against my skin "They are both sleeping soundly"

I nodded. I moved his hand up his arm. His skin felt cold, but it was oddly comforting. I pulled the covers tightly around the both of us in an effort to warm him up. His warm lips rested against my forehead, making my skin intensely warm. I closed my eyes as he pulled away from me. "I'm sorry" he whispered "I'm an ass"

I chuckled quitely "Yes, you are. A big ass"

He didn't say anything. I whispered his name into the darkness. When no answer came I opened my eyes. I found him staring past my head out the window at the dark New York sky. I moved my hand up to his lips, and softly traced them. He did not react. I was hurt by this. The one thing I knew ho to do was turn Chuck on and it seemed I had lost my touch. I moved closer to him, eliminating all space between us. I intertwined our legs, so I could have some say in the matter if he decided to leave. I moved my hand up to his cheek "Chuck why did you come here? I'm pretty sure it wasn't to admire my view"

He sighed finally dragging his eyes away from the window, and glancing back into my eyes. A part of me wanted to look away and I didn't quite understand the reasoning behind the desire. I fought against it staring back into his eyes. After what seemed like an eternity he finally spoke "I couldn't do it. I tried, you have no idea how much I tried but I just couldn't do it"

"What are you talking about?"

He looked away from me once more. If it wasn't seven minutes past two in the morning I was pretty sure I would have started shouting at him. Demanding answers, telling him to talk like the well educated privileged eighteen year old he normally did. He closed his eyes again. "I told myself to leave you be. I could get over my addiction. I told myself you would be better off without me. That you could move on and find some Lord that truly deserved you. Someone who hasn't fucked up so many times it was becoming a crime. But as you can see it didn't really work."

"I'm glad it didn't" I said as soon as he had finished "I tried the whole Lord thing and got caught up with the Hampton's answer to keeping in the family. Title's don't equal perfection."

He smirked. I smiled resting rolling back to lay my head on the pillow. He rested his chin on my shoulder. His arm snaked gently around my waist. I could feel his warm breath on my neck and it gave my goosebumps. This moment right here seemed perfect, and I was scared to even breath to loudly in case I ruined it. He lifted my top up just an inch and traced tiny circles on the bottom of my stomach. I could feel the shivers shoot through my whole body. We stayed like that for a few moments before he spoke again. "I am trying Blair."

I furrowed my brows "Trying what?"

"To be better, to be good.....To be good enough." he whispered as his lips moved against my neck. I struggled to know if I should feel happy that he was changing, or give in to my desires and start ripping off his clothes. There was something about his voice, his breath on my neck, what he had just said that made me want him more than I ever had before.

"I know" I whispered back "You always were good enough, you just didn't believe it. I did."

"No I wasn't. I have hurt you so much it makes me sick to my stomach. I don't deserve you. I deserve to be thrown out of your house, to have you scream at me, tell me you never want to see me again. I deserve so many things but this is not one of them."

I reached up and kissed him gently on the lips. He kissed me back but this time it felt different. Like he was happy just to have the kiss. He didn't need anything more. This was extremely rare for Chuck. It felt like something had changed. It was as if he had been possessed by some monster all this time and then an exorcism had taken place. I pulled away first. "You are probably right, you don't deserve me but that's too bad because you are stuck with me."

"I'm not stuck. I want to be here Blair. It's always been a need but now it is a want too"

"What changed?" I asked "Was I doing something wrong before?"

"Nothing" he said quickly "Absolutely nothing. I was just idiotic. I couldn't see what was right in front of me. I was looking for some whole big messed up meaning behind it and I failed to see the completely simple obvious reason staring me point blank in the face."

"Behind what?"

"Me wanting.....no needing you. I thought it had to be some twisted game that my mind was playing on me" He said softly "You have always been too good for me, and although I have always, and I mean always, wanted you I thought it was just wanting the thrill of the chase, and the pleasure of getting you."

"And that's not the reason?" I asked confused

"No Blair, it is not. Yes I want you, believe me I want you more than you can imagine but it is more than just sex. I want all of you. I want to see your eyes in the morning. I want to hear your voice. I want to feel your lips against mine. I want to hear your laugh. I want you Blair. All of you."

"You can have me Chuck" I smiled "I want you to have me"

He faced turned serious again "I can't promise I won't hurt you again. I will promise that I will try my hardest not too, but I can't promise I won't."

"That's all I have ever wanted"

He was silent for another couple of minutes. I was sure he had fallen asleep. I gently removed myself from his arms as I felt him stir "Where are you going?

"Just to lock my door, I'll be back in a sec"

I heard him mumble something that resembled an agreement. He moved his arm to let me out. I walked over to the bedroom door, turning the key in it. Tomorrow was Saturday so my Mother would leave for her manicure at nine, and Dorota to do the shopping at ten. They would assume I was sleeping. I locked the door partly because I wanted to keep Chuck in. I didn't want him to disappear. I wanted to wake up in his arms. That way I would know that this was for real, that he wanted us to make it. That all the hurt and pain had been worth it. It had all been for something. I climbed back into the bed and his arm automatically curled around me.

It felt good to be back in the warmth of his arms. He pulled me tight against him. My body seemed to fit perfectly into his. Like we were to halves of one whole. He moved his hand up to take mine. His finger tracing against the egde of my hand. I closed my eyes, as a wave of exhausting poured over me. He whispered something in the darkness and I was sure I hadn't heard him right. I replayed the moment in my head. He had whispered "I love you". I spun round in the bed to face him. He pulled his arm back in shock.

"What did you just say?" I whispered quickly, my heart beating so fast I was pretty sure I was having a heart attack.

"I love you Blair" he whispered again "I always have"

I stared at what little of him I could see in the dark. His eyes were wide. I knew he was waiting for an answer. I leaned in and kissed him on the lips softly for a long moment. I pulled back and touched his cheek. "I love you too Chuck. I always have"


End file.
